As you may be able to tell from my new header, I am entering a new season. Not a more depressed, self-depreciating time in life–rather a healthy view of
my self and of God, the kind that allows my “somewhat stony heart” to become soft and malleable again.

As I journey through BSH with my small group, I am reminded of a ratio. 

The ratio is 10:1. It’s the ratio of things I know in my mind : ways I live. 

In this “new season” I’m asking to speak honestly with Christ (as my bridegroom) before all others regarding the dearest things in my heart. I may write a lot less. I’m definitely not going to promise more… 
The “new” idea is to be faithful to Christ and run to him to baptize my mind and heart before I allow everything/-one else to mold my thinking. I think it should be good… it may even result in a somewhat softer heart!

Sometimes, I let my mind wander so much that I get lost… Not just in my thoughts. Sometimes I get lost on the road. I forget where I’m at. This isn’t insanity… this is what really happens. 

For instance, today as I pulled on Fort Gordon, I honestly could not envision the next road that I was supposed to be driving on. I couldn’t get a mental picture of where I was going… But I knew the road I was driving on was one that I had to use to get to where I was going so I stayed on it. 

I’m sure you get where I’m going with this. Sometimes in my conversations with God, I get bold and ask where the next step is leading. What is the plan? And occasionally He allows me a glimpse into my future. And occasionally the only look I get is the road I’m on.

Today proved something though. I’ll get where I’m going. Even without a “map-quested” life, I’ll get to where I’m going. I like the idea of a faith-driven route. I don’t have to always know, and I’m glad.

             I need You now and forever,

So stay right here with me,

Don’t ever leave.

Love was kept,

From me like a secret,

And I swore that I was through,

Until You, until You.

 

It’s true. I didn’t know real, emblazened, faithful love until You. Lots of exchanges, trade-offs and half-loves but not anything coming close to You.

Good love is here; you’re Christ. When I don’t know or understand love, I’ll look for You. You consistently teach me. Your cross has explained and your people continue to proclaim “how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Eph 3:18) 

Will You be my one and only Love?

Wow, much like yesterday’s post, the craziness, that is my life, amazes me. Tonight, there were a couple of firsts and funnies so I’m going to write about them. Sorry if this is too hard for you to follow, give me a break, I’ve been awake for several days. Kidding. Geez. Do not get loud with me.

1.) EZCombs might be my favorite infomercial yet. I don’t watch TV very often so if there’s a better one, throw it out there but I would like to submit that it doesn’t get much more “As Seen On TV” than this.

2.) Chuck Norris writing a book is disgraceful. Worse yet is the fact that FOX spent part of Red Eye interviewing him. Worse than that, he had a Chuck Norris fan shirt.

3.) Death isn’t fun. Even if funeral is spelled F-U-N-eral.

4.) I”m getting so tired that I’m beginning to believe Obama’s deficit elimination plan!

5.) I read other people’s blogs late late at night… this is what I found on Kellen’s. Hilarious!

6.) You know those Snack Pudding things? The vanilla ones made with “real” milk are my favorite. Here’s the problem: once you break that seal, you have about 25 minutes to eat the whole thing or it turns to liquid. Sick.

7.) Obama: Nationalize our banks? Really? Left Behind books used to be a close portrayal of how the world would end…then we kinda laughed at them…now I’m kinda nervous laughing. GNN anyone?

in the chaos, in confusion I know You’re sovereign still…

Can I please just say outloud that I hate the way I love my life right now? Sleeplessness, meetings, events,  schoolwork, car repairs, financial stress and tough relationships all seem like indicators that life is getting too hard and too busy and too out of control. But for me, all of these things speak volumes of how life is only getting better. 

My intent is not to be the busiest person in the world, or even the most tired (as much as it may look like that). It is to be the most sustained. Sustained by Christ, by His word. To not trust in my own plans, abilities or strategies.

Thank God that in the chaos and confusion he’s still God. If he wasn’t, I would not be alive.

Thank you God for taking the reigns of my heart and making it submissive and obedient to you. Continue to knock down walls, take me back and be my Savior. You are my Ultimate Desire–my most needed Salvation.